The power of allowing our fear

On Tuesday I came face to face with my own ignorance.

My own denial.

My own lack of true empathy for what the coronavirus outbreak means.

During a virtual meeting with friends and colleagues, located in Italy, Spain and Singapore my fear finally found me.

I listened to my Italian friend describe his partner’s experience. He lives with his elderly parents and works in a food shop. He must work and is terrified he will pass his Mum and Dad the virus.

Until that day, I hadn’t made a conscious choice about my response to what is happening. Beyond washing my hands obsessively and watching the news for essential updates.

I realise now that I had unconsciously chosen to avoid really looking. Irritated by the press, the stories of loo roll hoarding and hype across social media, I had dismissed what was happening as a storm in a teacup. I even considered, perhaps this is Mother nature’s way of getting the world to slow down. Perhaps this needs to happen.

I am judging myself as I write this. But it is the truth of what I felt.

Mine was also a very human response to threat…I landed on this perspective by default, rather than conscious choice, because it was easier for me to deal with. Less painful. The distraction of my to do list was seductive and I told myself there was a nobility in carrying on as though nothing was happening.

The alternative was not appealing.

Which was facing my fear and sadness.

Which is what happened on Tuesday.

I finally slowed down and tuned into another human beings experience of what is happening.

And when I allowed my fear and sadness in it floored me.

The rest of the day I found it hard to concentrate on anything.

I cried a lot.

I felt afraid.

I still do.

Today I feel different to how I did before that conversation.

Deflated but also unblocked. 

Sad, yet also grounded and more real. 

Something has shifted.

And it needed to happen.

Now I have felt something real, I can make conscious choices about how I will navigate what comes next. Rather than choices driven by the need to numb myself to the pain of my fear.

I am more aware of the impact I am having and more able to choose what that is.

I am ready to show up.

I am reminded of the power of including my fear in my experience of life. Fear gets a bad rap. But the truth is when we include it, it is life affirming.

It is natural and human to avoid looking our fear in the eye. By design, our minds are working hard to protect us from that discomfort.

And what I discover time and time again – usually after a tussle with it - is that when we find the courage to look at it, it opens up so much.  

Denying it is denying our own humanity. And when we do that, the unintended impact is we make it harder for those around us to embrace theirs. We inadvertently make it wrong for other people to feel whatever they are feeling.

What looking at our fear opens up is unique to each of us.

Energy, new perspectives, a sense of meaning and purpose, new resources to navigate the challenges we are facing.

For me, today, it has created an urge for me to reach out rather than hide.

To tell you I am here with you.

To remind myself that you are here with me.

To remind us all that we are in this together.

(12th March 2020)

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(Photo by M.T ElGassier on Unsplash)