Getting started with tricky conversations

Difficulties in relationships are part of (working) life. 

My relationship with my ex-husband, Ross, is important to me. We have two children and are parenting them together. And lately we hit a bump in the road. 

It’s not the first time. We have different views about some aspects of parenting. 

We were talking about our son, James. He’s playing up at school, so we were figuring out what to do. I felt uneasy after our conversation. I turned things over in my mind, blaming the school, Ross, James and myself. 

A couple of weeks passed, and I noticed I was awkward around Ross. I was holding back and feeling more and more frustrated. 

I realised that when we had spoken about James I hadn’t said all I wanted to.  I had agreed to some things that didn’t feel quite right. That I wanted to explore more.  I hadn’t voiced my opinion as fully as I wanted to and I didn’t understand where Ross was coming from on some of it.

And then I realised what I needed to do.

I phoned Ross and blurted “I want to talk. Not about the kids. About us. I’m feeling uncomfortable and our relationship is too important to avoid talking about it.” 

I felt instant relief. 

We met and had a very real conversation. I feel closer to him. Now we better understand what we both need as we hit these bumps and don't agree. And it's a conversation we're going to keep having.

It can feel hard to start these ‘tricky’ conversations. A great place to start is sharing what is true for us and asking where the other person is at. It’s amazing what can unfold after that.

Email me at claire@clairemackinnon.com with your questions, comments and reflections. I reply to every email and would love to hear from you.

You can sign up for my occasional emails here. You’ll receive details of my free bite-sized virtual workshops and other practical wisdom to help you grow your leadership.