What does joy have to do with leadership?

I used to dance on the stage as a girl. I loved the buzz of the crowded dressing room. The smell of hairspray. Watching the other performers on the tiny black and white screen as I waited for my turn. When we took our bow, I’d feel both joyful and desolate, as the magic ended and ‘normal’ life resumed.

I stopped dancing when I was 15, as I strived to achieve the best exam results I could. I didn’t believe it was a CV-worthy pursuit.

Almost 20 years later, recently separated from my husband, and in a job that demanded most of my energy, I peeled myself off the sofa and tried a local Salsa class. I struggled to get to sleep that night, I was so flooded with joy.

Through the difficult year that followed, on the nights my husband had the kids overnight, I would go to a dance class. When things felt hard, I had this magical thing that topped me up and kept me going.

Dancing became a non-negotiable. I tried Ceroc, Bachata, ‘Dancing round my bedroom’ and a longing crept in to perform on the stage again.

In 2018, I stumbled across a Burlesque teacher online, Kellita Maloof, the founder of ‘Showgirl Awakening.’ Everything she said about this art form - her particular take on it - called to my soul. I followed my intuition, flew to San Francisco to join her, and after 3 days of preparations, performed my first solo in a professionally produced show.

Those 4 minutes on stage felt like nothing I had experienced as a grown woman. I loved it all: Creating something for the sheer joy of it. The support of the audience. The sisterhood with the other performers. More than anything, the permission I felt to express myself.

Each of the five acts I’ve created and performed since then has had me feel more alive. More whole. More accepting of myself and ready to expand in other parts of my life. It has helped me move through my fear of being judged by others and feel more free.

As I begin to create my next act and prepare to perform again in November, I can already feel its magic infusing my life.

In a world that tends to value results and achievement over fun, giving ourselves permission to play can be hard. And when it feels like the world is falling apart, it can feel even harder. We can feel guilty for taking the time to do things that have no tangible outcome other than our own joy. But if we don’t, it can leave us depleted. We can reach a point where we feel as though we have nothing left to give.

I don’t rehearse for hours each day, but I do dance for at least 5 minutes. This small act infuses my day, how I feel, and how I show up for others.

It's never too late to try something new. Or something you used to love. Something you have always wanted to try, but never quite got round to.

The world needs you to light yourself up. When you do, you light up the world.

Email me at claire@clairemackinnon.com with your reflections, comments and questions, or join the conversation on LinkedIn.

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(Photo: My debut: ‘Come Alive’ from The Greatest Showman, April 2018)